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| "I can't be the man I use to be." ~J-Kwon
I'm restless. I'm anxious. I'm worried. With all of this being said I'm thankful. God has allowed me to accomplish so much in such little time, but now that I'm getting ready to graduate the question I'm stuck with is, what's next?
This is the period of change. Many aspects of my life needs to reevaluated. I need to figure out where i'll be working once I graduate. I need to really be honest with myself about my relationship. I need to decide where I want to live. I need to decide on where to take the bar. And at this point every decision feels like it can have serious ramifications in the future.
The only thing I do know is that I pray that the Lord continues to guide my steps and that I can't be the man I use to be. There are things about me that I like and don't like, but I'm comfortable with whom I become. And a lot of my decisions may be liked or disliked, but I have to make some moves for me. I no longer want to be who I was. Hopefully, what I grow into is pleasing in the eyes of the Lord, but I can't hope to please anyone else any longer. Just pray I have the strength to do the things I must.
Side note: I still don't have all of my grades yet, but I seriously believe I did well last semester. We'll see if I'm wrong. Until next time, Peace.
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| I've been locked for a minute, but i'm back and I have a lot to say. Things from who i'm turning into, to finals, to my relationship, to where i'm going in life. Hopefully I don't have any new problems in coming back here. Anyway, pray for me during finals and i'll see you'll later. | | |
| I'm thankful for the Grandfather the Lord blessed me with. Though he wasn't my grandfather by blood, he more than was my grandfather by practice. So much so that I would say hands down played more of a role in raising me than my own father did at times. Yet, I've always wondered what my blood grandfather's were like. I know they each faced their own demons which seemed to be some of the same demons at times. What I don't hear much of, however, is what made them the men to anchor my blood line. I don't hear too often what type of people they were, what they stood for , what defining moments occured in their relationships with my grandmothers that made them worthy. Today, however, I finally got a chance to hear a little about who one of my grandfathers were and I wish I met them. I'm told I was six months old when he died. That he didn't want his wife to work. That he was depressed that at some point he lost his job and his wife at some point had to pay the remainder of the mortgage. That he loved children. I hear my cousin was the only person of my cousins to really enjoy his presence. I hear he was an old school type of guy. And though I wish I knew more, the little information that I have received today just from sitting down and listening has been more information than I could have imagined. I want to know more about my grandfather's, but i'm glad that there are people still around to tell their stories. And hopefully, the Lord will let me live long enough for my family and children can get a good enough story to tell their children about me. | | |
| Dissappointment. Lost. Confused. Just don't know what to say anymore and this is one of those topics I don't feel completely comfortable in talking to anyone about. I just don't understand how we sometimes make the decisions that we make. I know it's wrong to judge, so i'll try not to. It's just so hard to understand why we can't do what we need to do before doing what we want to do. I know i'm in this boat as well, but I look around me and see so many people getting in situations of their own making and its beginning to disgust me. And for myself I guess having so many examples of bad decisions you would think I would be in a better position, a better person, but i'm not and its beginning to disgust me as well. I know the words that i'm choosing are strong, but its just some things I don't understand why we as a people haven't quite learned from our past and became better as a group b/c of it. Not looking for excuses, but I wonder how much of our irresponsible decisions can be tied up with the spiritual realm and how much of our decisions is just from plain stupidity. I would like to say more, but this is all I can stand to write right now. Just hoping life's lessons finally teach me and us how to become better people then what our ancestors were. Hope to become what they envisioned we could be and not what we ended up settling to be. Until later ... Khama A. Sharp | | |
| Back to reality. Morris was fun while it lasted. Thanks for the pics and good feelings. Don't miss the police or the distance though, but it was nice to for a moment to be shown the difference between what I had and where i'm at now. On a side note, working at the National Black Caucus is going to be great. I'm going to accomplish my goals and take from the experience more than I anticipated. My goals include working on publishing a piece of literature, working on a topic that is dear to me (black people) and meeting some influential people. And my work at Barbri though not as great career wise is great nonetheless, it's a perfect example of a great working environment. Hope to have more laughs while working my butt off for little to no money. The third and fourth job for the summer should make this summer a great summer overall. And the quote for the day is .... The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. ~Peter Drucker (1909-2005) I wish I didn't ... Night. | | |
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